Doing it right?

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Okay, so I’m nine months pregnant, slightly uncomfortable (understatement of the year), and quite irritable. Seems my poor daughter is getting most of my frustration. Am I the only homeschooling mother who seems to shout all day? Was talking to a sister recently and she gave me a compliment saying that I was so patient. If only she knew. Now, I’m feeling quite emotional at the moment – I feel like I am too hard on my daughter, always pushing her, shouting at her, disciplining her and not allowing her to be the 3 and a half year old little girl that she is. Right now, I feel like a bit of a monster. (Oh Allah help me!) She is quite a sensitive child but clearly is quite upset at all the shouting (at her) that has been going on recently. I rarely smack her, but shouting…there isn’t a day that goes by! 😦

As I was tidying up, the ‘shall-I-put-her-in-school’ thoughts passed through my mind. Surely she can’t be happy at the moment? Wouldn’t she be happier in an environment where she isn’t shouted at? Why do I shout so much? Is it because I’m ill and stressed? I really do not feel like mother of the year at the moment. I think I’m too much of a perfectionist and want her (yes, a 3 1.2 year old) to do things right. But surely, the best way to educate her is to let her do it her way and learn?! Oh I just don’t know. Things don’t need to be cut and stuck to perfection. If she sticks something upside down – so what? This is how I should be thinking but unfortunately I don’t most of the time. I don’t know if it is because of the pregnancy hormones, but I honestly don’t feel like I am giving her my best. I just seem to get annoyed all the time. *sigh* I’m just really really tired at the moment…

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6 responses »

  1. Assalaamu ‘alaikum.

    **MWAH&HUG**

    Ukhteeeeee… **sigh** I’ve been there, and am still there too. However, I think you’re emotion and frustration could stem from the fact that you’re anxious about your lil baba, and your discomfort and irritation (which is normal at that stage) is bringing out emotions that you may not otherwise experience.

    I say take a break – this is what homeschoolers call: burn out! Yes, we all go through it and simply wish to throw the towel in the bucket. But don’t just do ‘easy’ going things with her. Forget about her learning something, just spend time with her. Remember, lil baba will take away all the attention that she can enjoy now, so give her what little she has left of your undivided attention. Maybe this is your call to unschooling?

    And, have some herbal tea – ginger’s quite refreshing!

    Much love,
    Umm J.

  2. Walaikum Assalam wr wb,

    A big hug right back at ya sis! Jzk for the advice. You are right, I just need to spend quality time with her. It is strange – I am looking forward to the new baby insha’Allah but also feel quite sad that it will never just be R and me! We’re a team – you know…

    We are on a break at the moment as I physically and mentally have not been able to do much. Now, ‘unschooling’…mmm…just doesn’t sit right with me! Cannot ever picture myself unschooling. But never say never… ?!

    Honey, ginger tea may be refreshing, but I’m just drinking gallons of the raspberry leaf tea stuff – this baby just needs to come out already! LOL

    Take care ukhti,
    Umm R.

  3. Its been a long time since I went from 1 to 2 (12 years) but I am having sad thoughts as well as well now, more than ever. I am going from natural number 6 to number 7 (insha Allah) I am 5.5 months and my youngest is almost three. He is THE “baby” right now and the center of attention of the whole house, quite a characte, but adored by everyone. I feel like I will always think of him as the baby (course I probably thought that with all of them at some point) and though I am somewhat excited about a new little one, I am sad that my current “baby” won’t be the baby.

  4. Salams sister,

    I pray all goes well with you and your remainder of your pregnancy and you have a safe and healthy delivery.

    There is something you NEED to remember – your daughter is only 3 and a half years of age. She has the rest of her life to learn and get things right. Right now all she needs is lots of hugs, and lots play and lots and lots of reading. I know from my now 6 years old that the shouting doesnt really accomplish much, other than more breakdowns for him. He is always telling me that i love the baby more than him (he was the same age as your daughter when i had the second one). Not true by any means, but from all the shouting he got from me he equates it to the fact that i love his sister more than him. You need all the rest and energy you can get soon, so enjoy this time with her because it will be a while before you can have real alone time with her again. But it will happen insha-Allah.

    All the best of luck

    Koldia

  5. I am an umm of 5 and don’t homeschool but I can still relate to all these sisters feelings.Pregnancy was probably the major factor in your emotional stressors at that moment and remains so for quite a while after birth -maybe even a year I feel.I believe we should be constant in stressing manners and morals to our children even at the youngest of ages but when it comes to getting the work right, to give them a break as sometimes it just makes them anti-learning/work/homework etc.But the major point I wanted to make is SHOUTING.Lol.I’ve done it and still do but it is so negative and benefits no-one.We need to stop and lower our voices before the shout comes out because it makes kids anxious and quite often they just start to ignore the message in the shout.A calm low firm voice is more effective. I admire you Sisters doing the homeschooling mashaAllah hope to join you in homeschooling 2 of mine inshaAllah.Anyway sis I see you have a lot more going on now so may Allah make it easy for you and your family.Amin. (hug)

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