The Tooth

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Yesterday was a busy day. Our house was the South London collection point for the Gaza convoy. The phone did not stop ringing and the doorbell was constantly in use as Muslims dropped off their donations. I cannot believe how generous Muslims have been. My house was packed with brand new clothes, nappies, medicine, school bags and shoes. And more wanted to donate. But the brother who was driving a van on the convoy had to pick everything up last night. May Allah reward all those involved. Ameen. It was especially nice for R to see sadaqa in action. She kept saying “They’re brining more sadaqa for Gaza!” Hopefully this will be a lasting memory and will push her to love giving to those who are in need.

In the morning, I interviewed our new Arabic tutor. My husband was the one who was teaching R, but to be honest he hasn’t done much with her in the last year and I felt that if I didn’t act soon, she would lose her Arabic. MashaAllah, she speaks Fusha Arabic, but she is not moving anywhere with her reading or writing. And this really disturbs me. So, although we really don’t have the money for a private tutor, I convinced my husband that it was a sacrifice that we had to make. And so the sister from Lebanon came and she will be starting with R twice a week from next week inshaAllah. We’ll see how it goes inshaAllah.

A couple of hours in the afternoon, we had guests and R had a fantastic time playing with her friend T who is also home educated. It was nice seeing them both playing non-stop for a few hours. Gave me a chance to have a nice fruitful discussion with his Mum, whom I love dearly for the sake of Allah.

Then it was off to some ante natal appointments before some more drop offs for Gaza in the evening. So, this is what happened at the hospital which has left me thinking…

R has been quite early with everything. She started walking early, talked early, read early mashaAllah. And at the age of 5 has lost her first tooth! She is over the moon and quite happily tells everyone. The midwife at my antenatal appointment yesterday was no exception. With mouth wide open, she showed her the gap in her mouth. And the midwife exclaimed, “Ooh! Did you put it under your pillow?” I didn’t allow her to go any further and quickly said “We don’t really practise that tradition.” I didn’t want her to imprint a wrong image in the mind of my daughter. If anyone was going to do it, it would be me and I would quickly show her the flaws in this tradition.

In the car, R had a 1000 questions. What did she mean? Why do we put a tooth under the pillow etc? As I was driving home, I considered leaving it but then thought no. She has to learn that there are others who practise things which are quite common in the society we live in but that have no place in Islam.

So, I spoke to her about the non-muslim belief in fairies. But that we don’t believe in fairies, because there is nothing in the Quran or sunnah that states they exist. She was fine with that. I then ‘shocked’ her that many parents lie to their children saying that it is the fairies that take the teeth and exchange it for money. You should have seen her face! “So,” she said “they lie to their OWN children!” She couldn’t make sense of it. And to be honest, talking to her about it – neither could I! Children who later discover that there are no such things as fairies learn that their parents have indeed lied to them. Can you imagine the psychological effects this has on a child??? Maybe I’m being a bit ‘Over-the-top’ about all of this, but it really reiterated to me the importance of being truthful with our children and teaching them the principle of honesty by way of action.

In the car, she became quiet and was looking into the distance (she does this when she is deeply thinking about something) and then asked me a question very quietly, like she was really shy of asking lol. “Ummi, did you used to put your teeth under the pillow?” I told her that I did because I wasn’t raised as a Muslim when I was a child. She then asked me how I became a Muslim. And I told her my reversion story. I’m worried that she will see me in a different light. Naturally, I didn’t go into detail about all those ‘wild days’, but I could see on her face that she wasn’t very happy that I once did not believe in Allah.

Since R turned 5, I feel that she has changed somewhat. She seems to be thinking more, analysing more. And I’m quite worried. A sister commented recently that she has started everything quite early and that maybe she would mature early. I, myself began my menses at the age of 9. My mother was also 9 and there seems to be a pattern of early physical and mental development in my side of the family. I assumed that she might start her menses at the average age of 11/12/13. But, my mother has commented that she is just like me when I was her age in her development. This really does worry me because if she does follow the female pattern in my family, I have less than four years to get her ready Islamically before the angels start recording her good and bad deeds.

I’m rambling now. Just some of my concerns… May Allah helps us all. Ameen.

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10 responses »

  1. Assaalmu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa baraktuh

    Dearest sister, I just wanted to thank you for this post. I have been an avid reader of your blog for a long while now and I am so grateful to your candid discussions and feelings concerning homeschooling and life. I have two boys ages 4 and 2 and we live in the States. My oldest is now beginning to read, mash’Allah and is really starting to pick up in incidences in our daily lives that concern me. Example…the christmas season approaching. I just want to put them in a bubble until the month is over! But he asks why people do such things and I struggle over how to explain it to him. I thank you for this post mostly because you are having the same feelings and said what I would have said to him. These kids and their questions! May Allah bless you and your growing family always, Ameen. Thank you again!

    • Ws wr wb

      Jzk for your kind comments sister. Glad I’m not the only one feeling the way I am. I think I can understand what many mothers say when they say it gets more difficult to raise them as they get older!

  2. Assalamu Alaikum

    Just wondering if it really matters if we have to explain certain things to them that are unavoidable?

    My son (4.75yrs) is aware of christmas and before he was HEed, he attented nursery and only recently told me how his teacher at school mentioned Father Christmas, and my son told her that there is no such thing. He’s now asking why they (christians) celebrate christmas and i just tell him why and bring in that they believe Prophet Eesa is god. He just looked at me and said that is disgusting.So i think inshaAllah, with a lot of dua from Allah and by instilling in them at this early age a hatred towards shirk, they will automatically feel the unnaturalness of all these weird beliefs of the disbelievers.
    Allahu Alim, just my take on things 🙂

    • Ws wr wb

      Not sure I understand your question: Just wondering if it really matters if we have to explain certain things to them that are unavoidable? As it seems that you did just that, explained to your DS about Christmas and Christians belief in Esa being God. For me, I have a non-muslim mother who R is exposed to. They spend a lot of time together and a lot of these ‘traditions’ have come up in their private conversations. So for me, it does matter to explain these things to her. Because I feel that she is at an age where certain things can settle in her mind and way of thinking. And I only want the correct things to settle there, especially when it comes to understanding practises of shirk from the true Islamic perspective. Hope that makes sense.

  3. Assalaamu alaikum sister

    Jazzakallah for the wonderful way that you are sharing your home education journey with us…its is truley a great help for me 🙂 I have read your blog from start to finish 🙂

    It really shook me when I concidered the countdown to when they will be accountable to Allah, that is the bottom line of our roles and duties as mothers in Islam, subhanallah…I guess it has always been such a far off thing I thought I had more time, but yes some girls do mature early. Wow this was a good read.

    It must have been so amazing for R and you whole family to witness the sharing 🙂 masha Allah.

    May Allah continue to guide you and your family ukhti.

    • Ws wr wb

      Jzk for your kind comments sister. And please keep those duas coming. Believe me, I am more in need of those duas than ever before!

  4. Assalaamu Alaikum dear Ukhti,

    I understand your concerns. My daughter is just 2 years old and she thinks and talks too much. I sometimes wonder if she really understands what she is telling and same as you my husband is a revert and his mother and family are Hindus. Bint spends time with my mother in law, so she keeps asking questions even at this age.

    For example my mil has a photograph of some so called god on top of her cupboard (when we visit her my husband turns it the other side), then we had to explain to her what and why before it could settle in her mind. Fortunately she knows Prophet Ibraaheem’s story of he breaking the idols because people worshiped them and not Allaah.

    Many people think including my mom that bint is still too small for all this and we are putting a great burden on her. But We have realized that even though she is two years old every little thing is still fresh in her mind. So telling her the correct thing is only bringing good Masha Allaah. If you tell her that some people worship stones she will tell you “M will never pray to stones, will pray only to Allaah and Allaah will give Jannah to M and I can eat grams (she loves to eat this) there” lol. Masha Allaah. I wonder if she really understands these things but I have noticed she thinks a lot before uttering it so I cannot say its a parrot stuff Allaahu A’lam.

    I only pray that Allaah shows are children the straight path and make them stick to it no matter what Insha Allaah and guide us to teach them that path. Aameen.

    I sincerely hope and pray that R remains upon this tarbiyyah and becomes a source of good for you in this world and the next Aameen. Keep us in your duas too. Jazzakillaah for all your efforts.

    Barakallaah Feekum

    Umm Maimoonah

    • Ws wr wb

      Jzk sister for your comments. I completely agree with you. Children are empty vessels and what they are filled with early on stays with them. So, it is extremely important for us to fill them with Quran and sunnah and explanation of things on this level only. And Allah knows best. May Allah helps us all to give our children good tarbiyah. Ameen.

  5. JazakAllah khair for your post… I would only like to add that We could only show them(our kids) the right path (with the help of Allah Subhanawatalah)… Emaan is in Allah’s Hand

    • Wa iyaki. Yes, the guidance is in the Hands of Allah. Knowing this and truly understanding it reminds me that I have to constantly make dua for my kids.

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