Its Friday. I normally evaluate the week (mentally) on a Friday. Don’t feel good about this week. Mmmm….
Lack of preparation – braxton hicks – asking hospital to remove me from consultant led care – fighting to be intermittenly monitored during labour instead of continuous monitoring – trying to find that globe – and then today I really feel like a bad mother.
I’m finishing off my English Language and Literature degree at home with The Open University. It isn’t easy doing that and home educating, but I’ve been doing it for the past 5 years so am kinda used to it. Since I started home educating, I tend to leave all my assignments to the last minute. I’m literally typing away like a mad woman during the night my assignment is due, trying to email it to my tutor before the clock strikes 12 midnight! No joke! Last week, I had an assignment to hand in on 8th Jan. I hadn’t even started it (I hope my tutor isn’t reading this). Kids were sick. I was sick. Anyway, tutor is really understanding and knows I’m pregnant etc etc. So, she kindly gave me a week’s extension. Yup, I had a week where I could have really paced myself and done a little every day. But what did I do? Nada – thats right – nothing! And instead woke up this morning knowing that today was the deadline.
So, instead of spending time home edding my kids and spending time with them, I plonked them in front of the computer for hours on end watching cartoons and documentaries, managed to slip in meal times and just typed and typed a drama script which was my assignment. Managed to email it just before maghrib. But I feel so bad. Its at times like this where I want to either jack in the home ed or the degree. But know that I’ve come too far with the degree (last year left) and HE is too important to me to jack in either!
I just feel the baraka in my time these days isn’t there. I need to ask Allah to place baraka in my time, otherwise I think I’m heading for a burnout. Do you ever feel like this?
I’m sorry if my posts lately seem to be on the negative side. I guess I’m just a bit of an emotional and hormonal mess.
Oh well, lets hope next week is different. Oh gosh, got to prepare for the mother in law’s arrival soon! And haven’t packed my hospital bag! And need to finalise birth plan very soon as the midwife said I might be earlier than my dates as baby is already head down!
Lol! Gotta laugh otherwise I’ll just cry. Okay, now I sound like I’m losing it… think I’ll stop there.