Not really a productive week

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Its Friday. I normally evaluate the week (mentally) on a Friday. Don’t feel good about this week. Mmmm….

Lack of preparation – braxton hicks – asking hospital to remove me from consultant led care – fighting to be intermittenly monitored during labour instead of continuous monitoring – trying to find that globe – and then today I really feel like a bad mother.

I’m finishing off my English Language and Literature degree at home with The Open University. It isn’t easy doing that and home educating, but I’ve been doing it for the past 5 years so am kinda used to it. Since I started home educating, I tend to leave all my assignments to the last minute. I’m literally typing away like a mad woman during the night my assignment is due, trying to email it to my tutor before the clock strikes 12 midnight! No joke! Last week, I had an assignment to hand in on 8th Jan. I hadn’t even started it (I hope my tutor isn’t reading this). Kids were sick. I was sick. Anyway, tutor is really understanding and knows I’m pregnant etc etc. So, she kindly gave me a week’s extension. Yup, I had a week where I could have really paced myself and done a little every day. But what did I do? Nada – thats right – nothing! And instead woke up this morning knowing that today was the deadline.

So, instead of spending time home edding my kids and spending time with them, I plonked them in front of the computer for hours on end watching cartoons and documentaries, managed to slip in meal times and just typed and typed a drama script which was my assignment. Managed to email it just before maghrib. But I feel so bad. Its at times like this where I want to either jack in the home ed or the degree. But know that I’ve come too far with the degree (last year left) and HE is too important to me to jack in either!

I just feel the baraka in my time these days isn’t there. I need to ask Allah to place baraka in my time, otherwise I think I’m heading for a burnout. Do you ever feel like this?

I’m sorry if my posts lately seem to be on the negative side. I guess I’m just a bit of an emotional and hormonal mess.

Oh well, lets hope next week is different. Oh gosh, got to prepare for the mother in law’s arrival soon! And haven’t packed my hospital bag! And need to finalise birth plan very soon as the midwife said I might be earlier than my dates as baby is already head down!

Lol! Gotta laugh otherwise I’ll just cry. Okay, now I sound like I’m losing it… think I’ll stop there.

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8 responses »

  1. Salaam,
    Well, don’t be too harsh on yourself. I would be feeling dissatisfied too, but in the overall scheme of things this is an insignificant blip. You have come too far to quit the degree now, and pregnancy does magnify a woman’s emotions out of reasonable proportions, especially as you must be feeling stressed about how the birth will go.
    Mentally consign the memory to the recycle bin, and look forward, inshAllah.

  2. salaam sis,

    making loadsa dua for you inshaAllah, it all goes well and mum and baby are healthy.

    please please give yourself a break. mashaAllah, you’re managing to do so much whilst being pregnant, it’s inspiring. i would have probably had more than one unproductive week if i were in your shoes. and as for putting the kiddies in front of the computer to watch programmes, well, i’m too embarrassed to tell you how many times i’ve done that.

    • Jzk sis! I think thats what I’ve done this week – had too much of a break and thats why I feel we’ve been unproductive. But you’re right, just got to go with the flow. I guess I know that we’ll be having a big break when the baby comes and so I’m trying to do as much as I can now.

  3. As salamu alaikum,

    Im due in middle of March, inshaAllah and am right now going through the same hormonal changes as you. So you are very normal..Masha Allah, its good to know your mil is coming to help you out. For me…its going to be my husband and myself doing everything Alhamdulillah! This is my third baby and i do think very often on how i am going to cope with HE and two older kids to look after.
    My other two kids were very colicky when they were babies, which means no sleep for me till almost 12am..My eldest was 3 months when i conceived with the second one. It was like having twins..I used to get so stressed with everything. Alhamdulillah things got better as they got older. I was getting more and more organised with my lifeThat was i realised that it was a trial for me to get stronger…
    So inshaAllah, i hope things will get better for you soon.
    Btw, if the baby is heads down, it does not mean you will go into labour earlier. So rest well and rememeber to eat heaps of dates. Try to pray 2 rakaats of tahajjud prayer if you can. That helps me alot during the day.
    Pls rememeber me in your dua and will do the same, inshaAllah.

    • Ws wr wb

      Jzk for your message sister. Last two pregnancies, I didn’t really have anyone either – just hubby and I. But my back has really played up in this pregnancy. I have a physio appointment soon as it really is quite painful. So, it was nice when mil suggested that she come.
      Baby being head down for me tends to mean that things might be early, as both of mine were early and positioned themselves early too. So, I am a little anxious as to how early – I just hope baby waits until mil arrives inshaAllah! Jzk for your advice. Take good care of yourself too.

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