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WARNING: This post is unfortunately not a very positive one.

I just have to be completely honest and I feel like I need to release some thoughts.

I feel like a really bad mother at the moment. I feel like everything is falling apart. I don’t know if I’m going about things in the right way. My second child is really driving me nuts! The little one is still waking up roughly every 2 hours. I have tried to be more patient with first son and have tried so many things with the little one to get him to sleep more at night. I feel exhausted and I just feel as though I’m not doing anything right.

I’m not down or depressed. Alhamdulillah. But just feel really really tired and I feel as though I’ve lost the barakah in everything. I feel like I’m heading for a burnout and just needed to vent my frustration.

Although we had a week off the week before last, we are on another break this week because I just need to sort my thoughts out and rethink a lot of things. Maybe this is all down to being exhausted. But there are some things which have been playing on my mind about the way I’ve been home educating.

You see, I’m the type of person who has to really feel secure in what I’m doing and at the moment I’m just not sure how I’ve been doing things has been the right way.

Probably none of this makes sense. And to be honest, I just needed to blog – a bit of self-therapy! Anyway, I’m sure I’ll be back to normal in a few days – maybe its just a few bad days. Or is it? Or is this a sign that things need to change? I don’t know.

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20 responses »

  1. Assalamualaikum my dear sis, It’s ok to take a break. It’s good to recognise when its getting too much and catch yourself beofre burnout catches you. Mashallah you do so much and being a Mum in itself is a very difficult job. Enjoy these blessed days, plan for a relaxing and fun eid. Hardship is followed by ease, these stormy days will be followed by better ones for sure inshallah. Remember the power of inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon 😉 ws xxxx

    • Walaikum assalam,

      Oh my dear sis. JazakhAllahu khairan for your message and all your recent support. 😉
      Yes…inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon. I need to remember that from now on. Fridge reminder is needed me thinks?! 😉

  2. Assalam sis, i just wanted to let you know that we all feel like this sometimes and although everyones situation is different, things can get a little frustrating for us all. my son has just turned one alhamdulillah, i breast feed him and he is still waking up every few hours at night, i get so frutrated at times, and only keep going by reminding myself of the blessings and rewards, the thought of the angels coming down to announce that jannah is wajib for me (if i can breast feed for 2 years) keeps me going. i think we all have to keep reminding ourselves. and practically your doing the right thing by taking some time out, it’s the month of dhul hijjah and there are a lot of lessons to be learned, islam channel airs some live hajj programmes, so why not indulge you and your children in that for a while and just take it easy. hope i have helped.

    • Walaikum assalam sis

      How are you? Which hadith is that sis? I’ve never come across that one before?! SubhnaAllah. You’ve definitely helped sis. May Allah reward you. Ameen. x

  3. As salaamu alaykum,

    Ok, how timely. Yesterday I was hit with this everything is out of control feeling.

    I just closed my laptop (which I am on virtually all day because a great deal of our resources are digital or online).

    The yard was a complete disaster, and I told kids to clean it. After several times of going out there, I just went outside, sat on the steps, and watched them. Eventually I joined in and helped them and it got done fairly quickly. (just trash/debris pick up, we didn’t tackle the leaves).

    Wow, that was a pick me up alhamdulillah. I really feel as if I had accomplished something.

    Then, homeschool was light, I took a laid back approach. We stopped, had the kids do some notebooking pages to review recent content, gave a few problems by hand instead of a page of them. We stopped and studied, not merely did the lessons in the book. It felt so god alhamdulillah!

    So, like you, I am trying to evaluate what I am doing. What needs to change?

    Definitely one for me is control of computer usage, because then I have more time to follow up, like I did with outside chores or what not. Ordinarily I would have been on computer making up something for somebody’s lesson.

    And to boot, I still managed to put some resources together. I turned my Yahoo on unavailable (I need to stay logged on to correspond with my husband as we don’t use a house phone).

    And lately I have been feeling more confident about relaxing up. I usually want to try to do school at home, have the neat little schedule but that so does not work for me. Too stressful.

    I’ve been reading some parenting tips from naturalchildproject, I think, and it is helping me more to savor each moment more and reflect on my behavior towards the kids.

    Instead of classes, we do conferences where I sit with one child and go over all lessons for the day. We may read the lesson in the book or I just explain a concept, taking only maybe anywhere from 5-15 minutes per class, so that usually in 30 minutes I can go through one person. What are the other kids doing? This and that. I drive myself crazy when I try to coordinate every spot of time, so I just say hey, either listen to Quraan, play a game on the computer, read, or something, but I basically just call in someone and let the others be.

    The kids think I am crazy maybe, I say time for conference so and so. But it works, alhamdulillah. And I noticed yesterday being laid back, I was more positive, joked around more to make our sessions lighter. Was totally awesome.

    May Allah get you (and us all) through our humps and allow us to relax a bit and put our trust in Him that our efforts will not screw up our kids, lol. joking but serious.

    Even with all this madness, I feel so blessed to be able to homeschool my kids.

    • Walaikum assalam wa rahmatullah

      Sis, thank you so much for your message. I needed to read your comment! SubhanAllah! May Allah make it easy for us all. Ameen. I am going to take a lot of your advice inshaAllah. I haven’t given up on home ed, just feel that some changes are needed. Thanks once again sis. And remember that everything you make mashaAllah has benefitted so many of us. May Allah truly reward you. Ameen. x

  4. Assalaamu Alaikum dear sis,

    I can imagine your situation sis. Subhanallaah I am in a kind of a same situ that I just cannot explain. Last week was miserable actually. It is not to do with home school though. But the Mercy of Allaah we are hoping for on a personal matter is just not happening for reasons better known to our Creator. I know for sure He has His wisdom behind it and He knows best what is good for us and when. I have no doubt of His Mercy and His Decree. And I am still waiting for His Mercy with humility. But going through this is so stressful and I just could not put myself together and do my home schooling with my daughter.

    I feel so so miserable but I have complete faith in Allaah, every second am thinking what is that I have done wrong for the Mercy to not descend!? And constantly asking Him to make me know my mistakes and wrong doings if that is the case! It has taken months and months till now and still pending. And we are in really need of this. Being making dua non stop on all times prescribed for the duas to be answered, had sleepless nights and many many more. It so difficult to explain sis but I am telling you this just to make you know that you are not alone.

    So any way last week I stopped all formal home schooling and still on a break. I just could not even get on to the computer. Today I feel much better though Alhamdulillaah. And I still believe the weapon is dua dua and patience. Saying it is easy but surely it comes from Allaah alone. Also what we are going through is nothing comparing to what the sahabahs and the salaf went through subhanallaah.

    I want to start teaching about Hajj to my daughter from today Insha Allaah and planning of that now and I just read your post and wanted to write this and make you feel you are not alone.

    Patience sis and Indeed Allaah is sufficient for all of us! And know for sure the more calamities, difficulties you experience is a sign that you are closer to your Lord bi idhnillaah! You are in my duas. Take Care

    • Walaikum assalam wa rahmatullah

      How are you sis? SubhanAllah, I hope everything is okay. If you need a chat, please feel free to email me privately. May Allah make things easy for you. Ameen. I think breaks are needed. It isn’t easy homeschooling and when we feel like this, we need to take a breather so that we can be the best homeschooling mothers we can be. A happy mum=happy kids and a miserable mum=miserable kids. So, we have to take care of ourselves too which I’m trying to focus on at the moment. x

  5. Asalmulaykum warahamtullahi wabarakatahu

    Alhamdulliah sister your doing such a great job with your home schooling and you have I’m sure motivated and benefited many sisters who have used your ideas, I certainly have used many and would like to say Jazakillahu Khairun for taking your time out and sharing your experience.
    Ma Sha Allah all that you have done, and any change that it has bought to other mothers will be on your account till the day of Rising.
    As mothers our home and looking after the children is striving in the path of Allah, and we will days when we feel down however is this not Allah showing us that we need to turn to Him with greater sincerity and reliance to achieve what we would like to do?
    Nothing is made easy except that which He SWT makes easy and Alhamdulliah we will have these days to show us that all that we do is out of His grace not because our efforts or sacrifice.
    In times like this take advantage of turning to Allah fully and beseaching Him through His mercy and grace to help and assist you.
    As one scholar said ” success in the end with works is to return to Allah in the beginning” so it’s though Allah, with Allah from Allah that we will do what we need to do for our families and communities.
    Also times like these make us grateful and appreciate our good times, so lets thank Allah and tell Allah how much we love Him.
    May Allah bless you and your family and make your matters easy, bestow you with divine providence and protect you all.

    wasalm

    • Walaikum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

      I hope that Allah (Swt) accepts anything that was done for His Sake and purifies my intention. Ameen. Thank you for your kind words sister. I love that quote subhanAllah reminds me of something I read in a book called The Exquisite Pearl by Sheikh Al Sadi. You might like it inshaAllah. Thank you for this much needed reminder. x

  6. Assalamulaykom my dear sister
    My little one has kept me up at night with illness and subhanallah disturbed sleep equals to a difficult day. So sister go easy on yourself you are doing a huge, amazing job mashallah. You may benefit from outside help with chores or childminding so you can be alone to just relax and inshallah you will be back into life with freshness!!!!
    Thinking of you and making dua for you and the ummah
    ws
    shereen

    • Walaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

      You know sis, I really don’t like asking others for help. May Allah make things easy for you. Ameen. xx

  7. You are not alone! I have this feeling every other day I’m sure! The amount of times I’ve thought that school would be better…if I had a pound..well you know the rest! A friend and I go scouring through charity shops to find educational resources games books activities etc so that when we have days like this the kids can get stuck into something witout much prep or us constantly having to plan/provide something she has 6 children by the and we like to call these unstructured days ‘unschooling’! Hala DVD’s help alot also. Take it easy your body has rights over you I bet you do a fab job Masha Allah. Children learn all the time in ways we never imagine and they have their whole lives to learn In sha Allah! So what’s a few days off in comparison? Allah bless you and your family and make it easy for you Ameen.

    • SubhanAllah its true and that is what is on my mind at the moment – why am I home educating and what do I really want for my kids. I’m not giving up on home ed but I feel things need to change somewhat. Jzk for your kind message sis.

  8. Assalamu Alaikum.
    I don’t homeschool, I just have a 6 month old baby, but I use your & the other sisters ideas & resources to give an Islamic education to the community kids. Without you people’s ideas, where would we go !!! So I would like to thank you all and want you all to realize that the work you are doing is not just for your kids but you all are helping hundreds of other people too. May Allah help you all and give you strength & patience. Fi AmanAllah, Fatimah.

  9. Aww sister, I think we all have days like these where we beat ourselves up and kind of lose the plot of what we are doing and why etc etc but we are not perfect so the main thing in my experience is acceptance of the different situations we find ourseves in and then after we are at peace with it to find the best way forward…

    I know exactly what you are talking about, my two are extremely close in age and when theres no support system -you’ve got a huge workload etc and its a mighty big juggling act! the little one is 15 months but refuses to eat solids and breastfeeds thru the night and day but especially @ night. I feel lousy 4 not doing enough (more than what we are) with the bigger one but Allaah in His wisdom gave us 24 hrs in a day and who are we to argue with that?

    Sometimes i feel frazzled and like a mad person rushing to do this and that but mashaAllaah i try to think back and when I do that i remember the 4 yrs I prayed to Allah for my babies and went thru 3 miscarriages plus one in between them and then I appreciate the here and now so very much and look forward to a better tomorrow inshaAllaah. This always works for me- to look back at a worse situation or to look at those worse of than myself and somehow all that grattitude just makes me see the light at the end of the tunnel and invites Allaahs Mercy…

    Allah just Knows best and Plans 4 us accordingly. Being pleased with His decree just always does it for me on one of ‘those’ days! May Allaah make things easy for you and grant you all of the best! Aameen

    • True. SubhanAllah, to accept our qadr for that day. Today, I spoke with a sister who is being tested and subhanAllah, when you speak with those who are worse off than you, it really does make you say ALHAMDULILLAH! And when you really are grateful in your heart then along with that comes the peace that you were yearning for. Jzk for this beneficial and sweet reminder my sister. x

  10. Salaams sister
    I’ve just logged on after a few days away from home and am reading your messages. Insha’allah I pray that you are feeling much better. As you have heard from the other sisters we all feel like this from time to time and it helps to step out and look at the bigger picture. I have 2 daughters one nearly 4 and my second insha’allah will be 2 in January also. my first daughter is the sensible calm type and the second just the complete opposite, very energetic, very demanding. i’m also the sort of person who likes things to be very organised and as perfect as can be, as a result of this homeschooling often does prove stressful. I was just talking to a sister at the weekend about how us women and mothers always strive for certain things,perfection in everything and sometimes we have to accept that things will never be that way. so after weeks of stressing and trying to tame my two year old and control all the mess my kids make in the playroom etc i have accepted that i have to let them be as they want in that room and my solution was to keep them out of the other rooms pretty much so that at the end of the day i only have one room which is a disaster. I now also let my 2nd daughter roam around and kind of take part in the work i do with the eldest, most of the time she is a distraction and lessons take longer but she is happier and involved and i dont feel guilty of neglecting her either. Then when she naps we get to some more work with concentration.
    I know that homeschooling has its disadvantages and its downsides but living without Islam in society it is the only option at the moment and I pray to Allah swt that not only does he give us all the ability to deal with this test and to teach our children successfuly but that we are blessed with Islam in its totallity , in society in our lifetime so that not only our children but all children of the ummah will be protected from the fitna of secular education and grow beautifully within the Islamic education system insha’allah.

    • AMEEN ALLAHUMMA AMEEN to that beautiful dua at the end. And alhamdulillah alla kulli hal. Jzk my sister for your message.

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