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Firstly, I would like to thank all the sisters who left comments in my last post and all those that emailed me privately. SubhanAllah, you have all been a huge support to me over the years I  have been home educating. The pieces of advice is just what I needed. May Allah reward all of you immensely. Ameen.

Been thinking a lot these last few days. My focus has been a lot on R. Baby Y needs me for his physical needs and Z seems to just float around which was really getting to me. I don’t have three children with three unique personalities and I need to give each his and her rights.

I have heard from other sisters that they tend to focus a lot on the eldest and the others receive less attention. I have found myself doing the same thing and it just isn’t right. And so, things need to change. Just as R has quality time with me when she was 3 years old, so should Z. I do feel sorry for him at times and perhaps his playing up is because he is craving my attention.

I tried something yesterday. You see, Z has a lot of energy mashaAllah and can’t sit still. He is running around everywhere. One of the things I am going to change is after breakfast and after doing Quran with R, we are all going to go to the park. Weather is wet and cold at the moment, but as one sister advised me – anoraks and wellies!! So, going to buy some cheap anoraks from Primark inshaAllah and I’m going to let the kids run and get all that energy out. Z needs this. If we can’t which we couldn’t yesterday as R is ill at the moment, straight after Quran, we did some exercise at home – jumping jacks, jumping up down, running from one wall to the next, stretches! It was fun, good for them and good for me. Even baby Y was jumping up and down in his walker laughing! lol

Yesterday, I also sat down with R when the boys were asleep and asked her what she liked and didn’t like about home ed. And after speaking to a sister who has 6 kids mashaAllah and went from structured to semi-structured, we devised a new timetable TOGETHER. So the timetable reflects what she feels she needs to learn and what I would like her to learn. I’m going to tweak it a little bit and hopefully this will be in line with why I chose to home educate in the first place.

I want my children to be unique individuals who love Allah and His Messenger. I want them to love Islam and to be proud as Muslims. I want them to have a deep love for learning and to not be afraid to pursue their interests. They shouldn’t have to wait for me to hand them something to do to learn but to initiate it themselves. I want them to respect others. And I want my kids to be happy. They shouldn’t feel frustrated because of home ed. It should be a wonderful experience for them to look back at when they are older. I do feel that we have achieved some of these things by the mercy of Allah. But as life changes, so must the way we home educate and I find that as R is getting older, she needs more room to choose and to explore the wonders of life and the world with less of my structure..

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14 responses »

  1. As salaamu ‘alaikum Sis,

    May ALLAH make things easy for you, AMEEN.

    You are right, they are all individuals and oh, the different personalities pull me in four different directions!

    Hang in there – it’s always good to let them burn off steam, which is something that I’ve been guilty of neglecting at times.

    Tell R we hope that she feels better soon.
    Take care,
    wa salaam,
    Nakia

  2. Salaams,
    MashaaAllah, good to hear you’re back on track. x

    I don’t know if you’ve noticed, that in most families the first born is sensible and calmer (than the second), and the second born is crazy in comparison. We all have them. *smile*

    I remember when a group of sisters used to home educate, they used to take the kids out and exercise all the children’s excess energy out before lessons. Thy definitely need it.

    Incase you haven’t stumbled across them, the ‘Positive Discipline’ series of books by Jane Nelsen are such an eye opener to understanding why kids do what they do (and why we react in the way that we do). I stumbled across them when I was in a mad rut. This line in the intro made me realize this is gonna be a beneficial read inshaaAllah “I was threatening, yelling and spanking for the same misbehaviours over and over again……” They were a life saver with the permission of Allah.

    We just itch to teach, but if only we’d have more tawakkul in the hadeeth “let them play til the age of seven”. It is prophecy, and now you see research telling us to leave formal teaching til the age of six or seven. In Islam knowledge has a purpose, and that is for the sake of acting upon it, so we can raise ourselves in His worship and attain Jannah. We forget this and start acquiring knowledge simply for trivia (I used to love trivial pursuit *smile*).

    My middle child was a ‘floater’, neither one of the biguns, nor one of the lttluns. I didn’t have the energy to do ‘constructive’ activities with her, and I used to feel really guilty, but since I’ve realized that what Allah requires of us is to help our children develop their character before the age of 7, life is much simpler, and she’s so much more cooperatve. Alhamdulillah.

    Take Care x

    • Ooh! That sounds like a good book mashaAllah. Actually the saying ‘let them play til their 7’ is not a hadith sis. Its a saying of Ali (Ra). Jzk for your advice sis. May Allah reward you. x

      • Jzk, for correcting me.

        Could you give me a reference for it, so I can have a look at it myself?

        I thought I read it in the ‘Islamic fatawa regarding the muslim child’ book, but I couldnt find it in there.

        x

  3. As salaam alaikum, I think you are on the right track, sis. It is a reminder to us all that the younger ones have just as much of a right to our attention and time as the eldest.

  4. AA WR WB,

    My comp crashed a few days ago, so this is the first time I’m seeing this. I’m so glad that you are feeling better mashaAllah, I think the park idea is great; it allows everyone to burn off extra energy whilst you still have some personal space to yourself.

    I’m sure everyone feels like this sometime or another. May Allah help us to get through this journey for His sake, ameen xxx

    • Walaikum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

      Yup, the only thing is the weather has been very wet. I can do light showers – but heavy rain is a no no. But as I speak the kids are doing some exercise and R is leading the session! The kids need to get it all out. Ameen to your duas sis. xx

  5. Assalamu alaykum dear sister,
    Alhamdulillah I am so glad to hear you so positive and cheerful again! I also like the idea with park – I think I am gonna do it as well. Actually, I love the idea of forest schools but I did not find the courage to go for it – may be this could be the first step inshaAllah.
    May Allah guide you on your journey through life with your kids inshaAllah.
    Take care!

    • Walaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

      Forest schools?? I’ve never heard of forest schools. More info please?? 🙂 Ameen to your duas sis. xx

      • Well, forest schools are basically schools in forests – children spend the whole day outside, they usually have some shed there or a tent for rainy weather… I think the idea came from Germany. You can google it for more info or have a look for example here: http://www.forestschools.com/ inshaAllah.
        Wa salam, B.

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