Those who have been following this blog since 2007 will know that everything is certainly not ‘hunky dorey’ here at ummihomeschoolsme! As you’ve journeyed with me over the years, we’ve had some fab days home edding and we’ve had some frustrating ones. And I also blog about my own personal journey sometimes and you’ve seen the highs and lows of that as well! Its funny because when I meet a sister and she has been a reader for sometime and we get talking and you hear a bit about them and they hear a bit about you, sisters tell me ‘Yeah, I know…yup, know that too – I read your blog!’ So, I guess theres no need for introductions as most know pretty much my life story!
Anyway, yesterday was one of those days… Monday night I aimed to go to bed roughly at 11pm. But have this horrible horrible horrible HORRIBLE linguistics essay to hand in tomorrow (ARGH!) and ended up going to sleep at 2am Tuesday morning after working on it and a few other things I had to do. As I managed to climb the stairs and get into bed, I thought to myself ‘It’s okay, I’ve got at least 3 solid hours of sleep til Fajr.’ But that didn’t happen. After 1.5 hours, baby Y was up for about an hour screaming (I think he’s teething) and wouldn’t go to sleep again. Then fajr rolled around and I couldn’t go back to sleep until about 7am and then woke up 7.45!
Tuesday was our weekly structured home ed group in East London. I really didn’t want to go but Monday, R had made her rainforest food to take in and she desperately wanted to go. So, I ran around like a mad woman getting all three of them dressed, packing her work and dish and managed to get out of the house at 8.45am. None of us had had breakfast otherwise we would have had been terribly late and so we had breakfast in the car! 😦
Got to the home ed group a bit late and it was nice as the children had a end of 4 term party with all the rainforest food they made. At the end of this, I then began to feel nauseous and quite sick – you know that sick feeling you get because you’re just drained physically and emotionally. It was at that point, when I felt that I should have followed my instincts and not gone!
A few of us were reprimanded for being late and at that point, I just felt like breaking down knowing what a struggle it was to get there. On my way home, I did break down and just sobbed and sobbed like a baby whilst my three were asleep in the car. It felt good to cry. As I cried and drove, I just asked myself ‘why do I do it all?’ Why can’t I just be one of those mothers who drop their kids off to school, pick them up at 3pm, and looks after the home and husband. NOTHING MORE!
But then I realised that not everyone is the same. I am me and that is how Allah has made me and has destined for me to do what I do. I just wanted to show you all that I have one of those days (quite a few in recent times!) and we all do, especially us home edders! But then as I write this, the sun is shining and today is another day!
What keeps me going is that this life is temporary and if I strive to work hard in this life, then maybe by Allah’s permission I’ll be able to rest in the next life…
Despite the not-s0-good day I had yesterday, the beauty about being a believer is knowing that yesterday has passed and tomorrow has not yet arrived, so all that matters is today. And as I said, today the sun is beautiful and shining mashaAllah!