Reflecting…

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After a full comeback to home ed, we’re going to be taking a premature break as my mother is arriving from abroad today for the next 10 days. We’re all very excited as we haven’t seen her since Y was only a few days old (so over 1.5 years ago). We’re extra excited as my Mum has been reading about Islam again. Please make dua that Allah gives her hidaayah.

It’s strange because when R was 3-4 years old, I would have been really stressed out that we were taking a break so early into the ‘school’ year. But things have changed/are changing in my home ed way of thinking.

I remember when R was 3/4 years old and the amount of ‘school’ she did in a day. Back then, I felt quite defensive when sisters would tell me ‘She’s so young etc’. But now, I actually look back and cringe. When I read sisters blogs or read emails about sisters who have children under the age of 4/5 and they are sooo structured with them it makes me feel sad and I actually sometimes well up with tears thinking about what was lost with R during that time.

I guess this has come about from experience in home ed, and also thinking about the end in mind. This weekend, I attended part 2 of a Parenting Course by Sister Rahma Abdulatif. It was amazing mashaAllah and I can see where I have gone wrong in so many ways as a parent. But alhamdulillah, as long as I am breathing and living, there is always room for change and room for improvement.

A few things that I took away were:

  1. I do not own my children, they are a trust from Allah. My job is to nurture them and raise them well so that they become secure happy adults who worship Allah with love, fear and hope.
  2. All of my children are different. There are 3 temperaments to children: Easy, Difficult and Slow to Warm Up. I now can see that all of my three children fall into different categories and so parenting them in the same way will NEVER work.
  3. Too many children who had parents who had high expectations of them really suffer as adults – this is something I need to work on with R.
  4. My ‘difficult child’ is Z and he needs a lot of love, attention and positivity.
  5. Motherhood is a huge responsibility but one of the most rewarding roles we as women can ever take on.

There is so much more I took away and I’m sure I’ll remember bits as I post.

Sisters, we have a heavy amanah and as home educators, we have an even greater responsibility. Teaching them Math, English, Quran, Arabic etc is just a part of it. We are moulding these children, they were vessels filled with fitrah – it is our job to nurture that fitrah.

May Allah aid us all on this wonderful journey of motherhood. Ameen.

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21 responses »

  1. assalamoalaikum

    Masha Allaah it is good to know that you are not disheartened from what you think you have done wrong, but are ready to change. Just one thing I will like to say, I do not think as parents we should label our children as difficult, the little person who looks like a difficult child, is just a different child. I think i would have felt hurt if my mother blogged about me as a difficult child 🙂

    sorry if you feel i am butting in! just wanted to share what came in my mind, for the love of your child!

    wassalam

    • Walaikum assalam,

      🙂 You are welcome to state your opinions is. As my son’s mother I guess I have the greatest ‘love of my child’. 🙂 I have no problem with saying that my child’s temperament is difficult because he is. This is due to a number of factors, his nature, his position in the family etc. But being difficult doesn’t necessarily mean completely negative. For me, accepting that he does have a difficult temperament is my way of actually loving him and nurturing him in a specific way. You have to attend the course to completely understand 🙂 I finally realise that it isn’t enough to say all my kids are different. It really is in identifying what their temperament is when you really know how to mother that child. And hopefully, if and when Z reads this – he will understand all of this and so won’t be hurt. 🙂

  2. May Allaah guide your mom. I understand the feeling. I hope and pray Allaah softens her heart and give her the correct understanding. Aameen.

    Well, I learnt a lot from you sister with all what you did with R when she was younger that 4 and actually adopted the Home schooling way which will suite by daughter. So do not feel bad. You have indeed helped us to achieve what we are doing right now, and I have changed my ways after reading your experiences which you shared so generously. May Allaah reward you for all this and give you success in all what you do which is pleasing to Him and May He make all your children the coolness of your eyes and give the best in this world and the hereafter. Aameen

    • Sorry sis, didn’t question the way you are homeschooling your daughter. But for me, when I see sisters who are very structured with such a small child then it reminds me of my days homeschooling R in that way. And it makes me feel quite sad. I guess it is only now that I see the results of that method..

      • Not at all sis, no need apology. I did not mean the way I homeschool. I meant it very general sis. I just did not want you to feel bad, and wanted you to know that you have inspired so many and they are working on it due to it, Masha Allaah!

  3. Asalaamu alaykum sis,

    Can you please explain how you believe you made mistakes with R in your early stages of homeschooling? I don’t think you should feel bad about it sis because part of learning is making mistakes! A point I was just explaining to my daughter this afternoon.

    I believe being a parent is a difficult job some times especially our role. At times we can set very high expectations for ourselves and our children, which we may learn in hindsight to be unnecessary. Alhamdulilah we are still alive and well and so with the benefits of our experiences we can make corrections and adapt.

    I have been away from the homeschooling circles but Insha’Allah we are about to restart our journey. I wanted to say Barak’Allahu feeke ukhti for all your efforts to help other families. Truly you are an inspiration, and I have many good things to say about you whenever I talk of a muslimahs perspective of homeschooling.

    May Allah guide your mum and family to the light of Islam and cool your concerns. Ameen.

    Always remember the power of duaa, and that Allah is the changer of hearts, Al Rahim Al Karim!!

    I love you sister for the sake of Allah.

    Umm Fatimah

    • Walaikum assalam,

      JazakhaAllahu khairan for your comment sis – so true subhanAllah. Will post about my thoughts about how I home educated her soon inshaAllah.

  4. Assalamu alaykum,

    I have been thinking about homeschooling for a while and haven’t the plunge yet.
    In fact it was only after reading your blog that i came across the term homeschooling ..quite a while back…

    My eldest child is 2.8 and it would be great if you could write in detail as to what you feel you did wrong when your daughter was younger. What would you suggest as to how to go about homeschooling an almost three year old, what approach and methodology would be best and what tips can you share.

    Waiting for your detailed reply!

  5. sister umm raiyan, jazakillah for the reply, and yes no doubt you have the greatest love for your child, i wasn’t challenging that 🙂 anyway! may Allaah accept your efforts and accept our children for His deen, aameen! and may He make the sensitive task of parenting easy for all of us. aameen
    wassalam

  6. SubhanAllah, don’t be too hard on yourself – I understand you’ve attended a parenting course and you’ve identified some areas you need to improve on and you are willing to adopt these methods – the trainer didn’t not arrive at those things in one day, it is over a period of time – I see parenting as a trial and error method. You’ve done so much with R and I’ve learnt so much from you. So, take a chill pill and say Alhamdulilah on what you’ve bn able to achieve. Could you tell me a bit more about the parenting course (website, timing, cost etc). Jazakillahu khayran. May Allah soften your mum’s heart and guide her to Islam -amin

  7. Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah sister umm raiyaan,

    i feel like i dont know where to start with the homeschooling, i’m sure that i dont want to send my little one to nursery or school but not sure what age i should start and what kind of structure i should create in the home inshallah.

    i would greatly appreciate ur advice and help, as reading ur above comments u say how u wished u had more structure etc could u pls explain?

    it is a noble job we undertake when we become mothers, may Allaah make it a blessed journey for us all and make it a reality.

    jazakallah khair for listening,

    umm eesa

    • Sorry sis – I was actually saying that the way I did it with my daughter (too much structure) wasn’t really very good back then. Will be posting about it soon inshaAllah.

  8. Assalamualaykum,
    Parenting is the ultimate in learning on the job. I think I will be a different parent to my youngest than I have been to my eldest simply because I have learned through experience. Some things I will change because on reflection those were not the best choices and other things I will not change because I now can say with confidence that they work!

  9. salaams ummraiyaan, have u reviewed or worked with Sonlight PreK (the curriculum)
    and if yes what do u think about it?
    jazakallah khair umm eesa

    • Ws,

      There are so many posts about this sister. Click on the planning and organisation tab and it should bring up posts about this. x

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