Difficult days

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My aim through this blog is to always try to keep it realistic. There are some blogs out there who make home ed life seem almost perfect with perfectly behaved children and perfectly followed schedules! Home Ed life is certainly NOT like that.

I have really good days where I feel we had really good productive home ed days and at the end of other days I just feel like crying out of exhaustion and frustration. I find that everytime I’m expecting, I kind of go through weeks on and off of feeling like I’m the worst home edder ever. In fact these last few days, I haven’t felt like a very good Mum.

I’ve been struggling with the sickness with some days of ease alhamdulillah. I feel tired CONSTANTLY and find myself crashing out literally on the sofa at least 3x day. I feel very guilty that I’m not giving my children what they need and deserve and seriously ‘SCHOOL’ has been a serious option recently. I’m tired.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful – astaghfiruAllah. I thank Allah for this new pregnancy and I pray He blesses me with a healthy child. I’m just feeling it – I’m very very very tired. I feel as though there’s so much to do and yet no energy to accomplish half the tasks.

My house is an absolute tip. My poor husband is having to help out when I do crash and I just don’t feel I’m doing very well. R is only doing workbooks at the moment – how boring! She plays a lot, reads and has her outdoor activities but at home I feel home ed has become just workbook based. The boys are constantly crying, screaming and wanting what the other wants. *sigh*

R would be in year 2 right now if she were in school – I do wonder if I’ve failed her in her education. Z would be starting Reception this September and Y is only 2 and a few months. I want the best for my children and wonder with the expanding family if I am doing them justice.

I was discussing home ed and big families with a couple of home edders. A few of them said that its easy to home ed one child, or even 2 or 3 but as one sister said, ‘When you hit 4, that’s when you’ve entered the ‘big family’ stage and its very testing.’ Her comment was an honest one but it made me wonder if I can actually carry on home edding my children.

Tired. Confused. But alhamdulillah for my deen as there is no comfort except in the remembrance of Allah.

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15 responses »

  1. salam alaikum wr wb, i really really really understand what your saying and what your going through. It would be helpful to have someone give u a hand wid ur kids whilsts u nap to re-gain ur enerfgy, sometimes we just hav to put ourselves first in life. And education is not about learning every single aspect of the syllabas. Education is learning about oneself, learning who u r, what ur good at, how one can contibute to society with and the environment. Learning through play is great at every age. just let them self play and take it easy…dont stress…

    • Ws wr wb, jzk sister. I think I’m just having a rough week – I’m sure I’ll bounce back lol. I guess its because they were away for 4 weeks and now this – it feels like we haven’t done anything fun with quality for AGES.

  2. Assalamu alaykum,
    SubhanAllah, we all go through these moments sometimes. The thing that always puts me off the thought of public school is Aqeeda- our children’s basic and yet important set of believes. just remember this. Kids at public schools will be taught everything is right, all religions are correct and xmas, easter- even in Islamic schools kids talk about these and a big confusion and mess…. Children lose their spirit/fitrah and cant think outside the box and everything has to be “politically correct”.
    You, on the other hand, might not be teaching your children everything they teach at school at this point in life- but with sound knowledge of Islam and Allah, tawheed and the pillars of imaan- they will be able to stand up to anything that comes in real life inshaAllah.
    If you dont find the energy, just keep reading aloud to them. It is always relaxing, no pressure on children and they all love it. Grab something useful to read and invite children to discuss the content with short Q&A session. The days I feel tired and not much energy to be proactive, I always have a circle time with plenty of books and think at least I am feeding my children’s minds. They love it too.
    Take it easy sis. And I am a mom of 3 myself but not sure being a mom of 4 would make home ed even harder than what it is now. It is rewarding and I love it but add to that all other responsibilities as wife, homemaker, teacher, daughter-in-law- pretty tiring. Motherhood is always hard and tiring- this is what all moms tell me, wether they have 5-6 kids or just 1. Also I have read Successful Muslim Homeschooling by sis Jamila and mashaAllah sisters as many as 8 kids have successfully homeschooled their children. (including sis Jamila herself, mom of 7). So, take it easy, one step at a time.
    Try to look for practical solutions- can you share home ed with another sis who is home edder? Minimize yr standards maybe? Sometimes we just have too high standards and beat ourselves up when we feel tired and physically cant manage things. Have a minimum target for the day. My minimum for a day is Qur’an hifdh revision, Qur’an reading and Arabic language (reading, vocab and handwriting). As far as we get these 3 done, I am not bothered too much about other subjects. And just let them spend as much time outside as the weather allows. InshaAllah things will settle down, may Allah make things easy.

    • Ws, jzk sister. I have been reading aloud to them and discussing. I just know what I am capable of doing and feel frustrated that I can’t right now but as I’ve said insha’Allah it will pass. I’m a very active person and being inactive cripples me! I do think though, the more children you have – the harder it gets – your energy has to be shared amongst more and more children. Two very good friends who are both home edders, 1 with 7 children and the other with 8 have done it since the beginning and are still home edding but you can see that its not easy the more you have. May Allah make it easy for them. Ameen. I wouldn’t want to share home ed with another sister – I can barely do my own children let alone other’s kids!

  3. May allah make it easy for you, ameen. I can remember when i had my 3rd baby i did put my child into school just so i could get a grip of things and not feel guilty of my child not doing much in the mornings. He was in school for 4 months until summer hols then after that i continued to homeschool. There is no right or wrong answer in this, you do what you feel is right for yourself and your children. Alot of people couldnt understand why i would put my child in school when i was HS but at that time that was the right decision for me and my child. When he use to come home i use to be ready for him and him only. We live in saudi so alhumdudillah he got to pick up on his arabic language, so at the end he didnt lose anything. He still remembers his school days in a good spirit mashallah.

    May allah help us all
    Ameen
    Abeda

  4. Sis,
    Pregnancy wreaks havoc with life! My kiddies are similar in age to yours (7, 5, 4, 2) and I am pregnant with number 5. I’m 28 weeks now mashAllah. The first trimester is the worst, and once you get a bit further along your energy levels will pick up inshAllah. Until then take it easy. You are not the only homeschool mum who needs to nap on the sofa. And my 2 little boys are always fighting over everything too.

    Try and cut yourself some slack – it will pass soon enough as you know.

    May Allah reward you for all that you do
    Ameen

  5. Assalam o Alikum dear sis,
    May ALlah Subhanwa Tallah make things easy for you and bless you with sound health and high eeman. always remember dear that a man is not tested more than he can bear. He does not test us more than our capabilities, we just need to dig in to find our hidden strengths, with tons of duaa in sha Allah you will be able to manage it all. It might not be The Perfect way but in sha Allah it will be worth it. Who says motherhood is easy? and who says jannah comes easy? we need to do our share of hardships and in sha ALlah with the help and Mercy of Allah SWT you will achive your goals. Allah is the best of planners and whatever is wriiten in Qadr for your kids to learn they will learn. bi izn Allah.

  6. Assalamo alaikum,

    Seriously give yourself a break, it’s nearly the end of term anyway so think of it as an early summer break. InshaAllah perhaps in the next month or so when you are feeling better you can regain some momentum, but for now just take things day by day. Learning doesn’t have to have the *buzz* ALL of the time, in school it would be mostly workbooks anyway so you’re well covered inshaAllah.

    BTW mabrook on the new little womb dweller, I did try to comment on the last post but something happened, lol. May Allah swt bless you with a righteous and healthy baby, and the strength to keep going, ameen. Chin up, sis xxx

  7. Asalaamu Alaikum Dear Sister

    I really feel for you sis! May Allah grant you ease Ameen. I echo what others have written give yourself a break and also do what is right for your family. Some home edders have temporarily put their children in school short term until they are back on their feet it’s nothing to be ashamed of and it’s not giving up!! Just a short term solution! Also when the baby comes you should seriously consider hiring some help to do cooking or cleaning once a week or so, I think it will definitely make a difference esp in the newborn stages with all the b’feeding!! When I had my second I got a lady to come and do ironing & cleaning once a week it helped me sooo much.

    hope that helps InshAllah xx

  8. Yeah I agree consider a cleaner sis, when the house is a tip it gets to me and if I was in your position I would do that.

  9. ASAK sisters, just to put across another view- my 5 y old son goes to a state primary school. I have 2 year old twins & 1 year old baby- also boys. I supplement his learning at home but overall he is doing well. There are only two other Muslim children at his school. He is extremely proud to be a Muslim ( sukur Allah) & his friends & their parents have learnt a lot from him. He is v careful to check if something is halal or haram & to avoid what is prohibited even if his friends partake eg dancing, eating jellies, Christian prayers. Yet he had learnt to be tolerant & respect other people’s religious backgrounds. His maternal grandparents are Roman Catholic. He does not complain that he has to study more than his classmates- Arabic, Islamic lessons, Quran, maths & handwriting. School has allowed him to be confident of his own beliefs & maintain them in the face of challenges. I think this will stand him in good stead for the future. We live in a multicultural Britain & many Muslim teens feel isolated & alienated or loose their way. Their is also the option of flexi schooling- part- time school & part-time homeschooling-becoming more popular. No-one should feel bad for sending a child to school do long as the setting is reasonably ok. It has benefits & drawbacks- just like homeschool. Decide what’s right for you. I know I would not be able to manage all the boys at homeschool- v strong personalities MA, & twins argue/fight a lot at this age & keep interrupting eldest at his work etc. maybe later on? School is not a failure- its an option! When I was pregnant last time I could barely function. Baby twins crawled around the bed! Only now is it getting a little easier. Don’t worry too much, do what you can- it’s enough for now. Thinking & praying for anyone having a hard time parenting ( me too!),

  10. Asalam alaikum sis,
    i saw this quote on someone’s facebook wall and it reminded me of your situation: “Every great story on the planet happened when someone decided not to give up, but kept going no matter what.”

  11. As salaamu alaykum sister, oh i so felt this post! My son is just 5 months old and i just found out i am 9 weeks pregnant maashaaAllaah. The stress level in my head is unreal. It has made me question everything. We had our education visit last week and alhamdulillaah the report was fantastic but inside i felt like a fraud, i feel like i just made it look better than it actually is as i don’t feel like we have done anywhere near enough. Most days i just about have the energy to get up and make breakfast (alhamdulillaah my husband is always at home to help) let alone do a full days work. I have to keep reminding myself why i started the HE journey in the beginning and keep reminding myself that even when i am slack and do very little, i still want better for my children than any teacher or school, and that is what is keeping me from sending them back to school. I just have to keep in mind that Allaah will not overburden us (i often struggle to remember this if i am honest) and after hardship will come ease.

  12. Assalamualaykum,
    it is a stage and it will pass, inshAllah. The kids are all doing well, maashAllah. We just did workbooks through my tired stage with my last pregnancy, no harm has come from it, alhamdulillah.

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