That time of the year again when Ramadan has flown by and we’re approaching the 1st of Shawwal already!
A few days ago, I felt a bit frustrated that R hadn’t completed her MEP Year 3 as was planned for this month. But then, I put my correct ‘lenses’ on and realised that she has masha’Allah acheived so much more than that this month – and much more meaningful things. Masha’Allah, with only 1 or 2 days left of Ramadan – she has fasted the entire month with the correct eating times of suhr and iftar. She wants to do the 6 days of shawwal too but seeing how loose her trousers have become, I’m not quite sure I’ll let her. But then I’m wondering if I should stop her from doing a good deed that she knows will gain her extra reward. As they get older and start to display their own ‘deeny decisions’ sometimes best to take a step back?
She has also completed her memorisation of another juz this month masha’Allah tabarakaAllah and is now praying all of her salat on time. So, really – who cares about the silly MEP program when alhamdulillah our children begin to implement the commandments of their Lord. How easy it is to lose focus of what is important.
Aside from this, R has pretty much spent the whole month reading. She has read about 10 novels this month and completed the library summer reading challenge and collected all the prizes in one go. She’s in that ‘eating books stage’ that I so clearly remember when I was her age. Am happy that she looooves reading masha’Allah but am worried that it might come in the way of her new hifdh programme as she really needs to spend much more time with the Qu’ran. At the moment, she’s walking around with a book in her hand, reads until midnight in bed, reads when eating etc. I’d rather she listens to the ajaza she has memorised as a form of revision. But then I’ve always wanted my kids to have a passion for reading – difficult to strike a balance as I don’t want to put her off her goal of memorising the Qu’ran.
Alhamdulillah, I’m really happy with this Ramadhan for R. As for the boys, I’m not too happy – they’ve been bored – fighting with each other and then playing then fighting. I just haven’t had the energy to do much with them and I feel I’ve let them down but they are still very young.
As for myself, I don’t feel as though I have done enough ibadah this month. I’ve often crashed on the sofa after putting the kids to sleep. I’ve missed a few fasts due to illness and pure pregnancy exhaustion which I’m not too happy about it. And generally I don’t feel content that I’ve spent Ramadan in the best possible way. But I can’t turn back the hands of time – I guess its all about where I go from here.
So many flaws in my character, so many acts of worship I need to improve and increase in. May Allah help me and guide me. Ameen.
Feel a bit emotional as I write this – last odd night of Ramadan. Feel happy about R’s progress this month but not too happy about my own. Maybe its hormones, maybe being too busy, maybe laziness… I don’t know.
Eid preparations – have sorted eid gifts alhamdulillah. R did some baking on her own this month and has decided to make a home made chocolate cake on her own for eid. So we’re sorting that out tomorrow insha’Allah. Bought the henna and will be trying out my designs (!) on her. Most of the house isn’t clean, but again I really can’t be asked this year! I think my hormones are really kicking in lol!
Anyway, have a wonderful Eid everyone – please remember us in your duas!