Choosing Good Friends

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I’m sure we’re all aware of the hadith that a person is upon the religion of his friend.

I think some home edders are a bit naive in thinking that home ed children are all of good character because they’re at home. Far from it. We still need to be on top of our children’s characters.

Sadly I came across an incident a few weeks ago about something R said to another girl at one of her activities. It’s the first time I’ve come across her being unkind to someone else. I was naturally very upset. When I questioned R about it she didn’t realise the impact of her words. And burst out crying. She was so sorry but it was a good lesson for her and since then she keeps asking me whether something she has said seems offensive so I’m happy that she’s more aware of her words.

I want my children to be good friends to others and for them to have good friends.

I’ve realised that if I want my children to display good characteristics it has to start with me. If I’m rude they’ll be rude. And that scares me. My gosh I have so many bad characteristics and the older I get the more difficult it is to change. This reminds me as to how important it is to cultivate good characteristics within my children when they are young, me being a good role model and the importance of them having friends who will remind them to uphold good characteristics and vice versa.

I had a discussion with R today. I told her whilst friends are important, she doesn’t need many friends. .. only a good few ones. I reminded her that she must always choose her friends wisely and that how she behaves towards others is what she will get in return.

Through these discussions I’m realising so much about myself. We so desperately want our kids to be great Muslims, with exemplary characters… but what about us?

As someone who was very needy of friends as a teenager, I don’t want my children to feel a desperate need to have friends but at the same time I want them to have a few really good ones that help them grow as people and as believers.

I no longer feel that need for friends anymore. And I’m quite content with the few good ones I rarely see but help me grow as a person. I just pray that my children have positive people around them as they grow and that I too am able to change myself.

This home ed journey is very much a learning path for me too…

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13 responses »

  1. Assalamu alaikum, you are so right, since I started homeschool I am constantly battling with my character. This home ed journey definitely a learning path for me. When i was young, I do not think I gave much thought about self development as was too busy to follow the norm – going school college etc… One thing good about homeschool when incident like that happen you can intervene later on. I was teaching my daughter and her friend geography. I was going through a specific country. Her friends parents are from that country. I was shocked to see how nationalism started affecting both of them. They started debating about who’s parents country is better. Subhana’ Allah it was amazing to see that. I am glad I was there to speak to them and talk about what Allah said in quran. Ma shaa Allah they actually understood their mistake.

  2. Assalam Aleikum, subhannaAllah i’ve been thinking about it so deep for a month! it’s time to work in our own character without excuse!alhamdulilah Allah give us children so purifing our hearts and ajlaqs(self development ) it’s now number one for us!

  3. This piece is so important to all of us. Thank you. My daughter attends an Islamic faith school. I am battling with issues similar to this a lot. I would love for my daughter to be an at home learner. Do you think it is too late. She is 7 years old and I think working on her character will be an uphill struggle if school and home are always crossing paths when it comes to approaches and what I think is an important lesson for her at a certain time. She is a good girl mashaAllah and does listen to me but it is the long term that I am thinking about, including friends and influences.

    • No definitely not too late sister. There are many mothers who’ve taken their children out of school at a much later age. Pray istikhara inshaAllah and do what is best for your child.

    • assalamu alaikum aisha, i just took my 7 years old girl out from an islamic faith school. you are right it has been an uphill struggle and sometimes i do feel like giving up. But if i dont struggle now then later on will be more worse. please make dua for me.

      • Wa Alaikum Assalam, Umm Sumayyah. Thank you so much for sharing this.I pray Allah makes it easy for you and may He bless you for your efforts. Ameen. Please help us in praying to our Almighty Lord to grant us what is best and to enable us with the courage to do what is right for His sake for our children. Ameen.

  4. Assalamualaikum sis, this is so true, when my daughter is role playing with her imaginary children and she starts to shout at them, or when she comments on something with attitude (she’s only 5) I often roll my eyes wondering where she gets all this from, no school, no tv only a few home ed workshops – then husband comes along and promptly reminds me – if she’s spending all day with me she is imitating everything I do! just like she imitates my dress, jilbaab/ hijab, niqaab as well although I don’t wear one, she is imitating my character!! Subhannallah there are so many Ahadith about good character and manners, but often times I forget just how to behave, may Allah help us all inshallah, Jazakhallah for the reminder x

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