Me first!

Something happened a few weeks ago. A sister informed me a few sisters had been saying things about me. I was angry and both hurt at the same time. And for a while, all I could feel was betrayal and just deep hurt. But this event has actually transformed into goodness. And you’ll see why I’ve called this post ‘Me first!’ 🙂

Words have such meaning – they can make someone fall in love, they can make an entire people change, they can also cut very deep. As women, we talk a lot – especially when we are in the gathering of other sisters. And more than often, sadly, conversation turns into envy, jealousy, backbiting and gossip. I’m not free of this – astaghfiruAllah, I’ve engaged in it myself either by listening or saying it myself. But I really am sick of it. And I guess the real desire to really ensure that I don’t backbite either willingly, unwillingly, by listening to it and not correcting the person came after I heard it had been done to me by sisters I was fond of and had a ‘laugh’ with.

I wondered how my so-called ‘sisters’ who I see regularly could do such a thing. But then it dawned on me that if sisters do it to other sisters in front of me or with me, then what makes me think that they wouldn’t do it to me when I’m not there. And then I switched it around. What gives me the right to talk about a sister too even if I don’t mention her name! My gosh, the amount of times I’ve been hurt by something and have confided in a sister and talked about the incident but didn’t mention a sister’s name.  I’ve seen in the community that there seems to be a notion that as long as the name is not mentioned, its okay to have a good ‘chin-wag’. But this is wrong and is so far from piety.

So, actually goodness came from this as my hurt and anger changed in that I began to look at myself. I want jannah so badly. I want Allah to love me and to be pleased with me and I feel like such an idiot that all of that could be lost because of something that is the first thing to decompose after we die (the tongue)! What a waste.

And so, the last couple of weeks, I’ve decided to choose my company wisely. Not every sister is good for you – even if they do make you laugh and feel happy. I’ve also decided to try and keep my trap shut unless there is something beneficial to say. And if I hear any other sister talk about another sister when she is not present either by mentioning her name or not, I will stand up and correct them and couldn’t care less if I lose that sister’s friendship. Because I am certainly not going to lose my akhirah for that for afterall the backbiter is not just the one that says it but the one that hears it! 

Since I decided to do focus on rectifying this,  alhamdulillah no intentional backbiting so far (either in listening to it from others or engaging in it myself) because of choosing company carefully and watching myself.

And all of this made me think about my daughter. She will become a woman one day and I really don’t want her to have one of these bad characteristics. I know 2 sisters who I have never heard speak ill of ANYONE! And I admire them so much mashaAllah – their faith is so strong mashaAllah – may Allah preserve them. Ameen. So, I guess if I want my children to have good characters I have to work on me first. I’ve thought about this so many times before but for some reason this time has really hit me! SubhanAllah.

Next, I need to work on the shouting inshaAllah – probably my worst characteristic especially with my kids – but when you really want to change something about yourself – it is possible as long as you have the help of Allah.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Home ed is not just about academics, its about character and instilling good characteristics in your children. Being a good Muslim isn’t just about helping others – whats the point if your own children see your bad characteristics and take them to be normal behaviour. How sad..

May Allah help us all to develop our characters and help our children to have good characters. Ameen.